Saturday, July 21, 2012

Hello From TEXAS!

Thats right folks, I have officially made it to Texas. Starting over stirs up a lot of emotions. Excited about being in the very friendly midwest... No offense Illinoi-ans But in my 6 years of experience there, you dont take too kindly to new people. I have already met some great people! I have some Short term goals, and long term goals to accomplish. writing blogs are the easiest way for me to sort out my thoughts. I tend to over talk to people... and most people dont really care, nor do they understand where I am comming from. It is frustrating. So this is just a blog to ramble out some thoughts in my head. Do not take too big of a note if I am all over the place. If my randomness bothers you, please, go ahead and shut this web page!

As many of my blog readers know, I am pregnant. I was not able to make it down to Kansas to have my first ever baby shower. I guess highlighting any part of my life with a celebration is out of the question. I am not going to lie, I was very depressed for about a week and a half over this. I really miss the love people in kansas have for me. they dont try to change me and they def dont complain if i make a mistake. I am one of the first people to admit when I am wrong. I am a very humble person.

My new OB here in Texas wants to induce about the 5th of august. I know i know, This means hard labor. Well guess what, that is all I know! I was induced with my other two too. I am also planning on using cloth diapers this time around. OMG if another person complains to me about cloth diapers I'm going to scream. Do some research, Cloth diapers are just as easy as disposable now days with a fraction of the cost. I hear about "how much work they are" Well ... contrary to popular belief I AM NOT A LAZY PERSON! Will someone please take time to get to know me without going off of other people's assumptions?! Anyways, I am excited about going to cloth diapers, it is both financially and environmentally friendly. I of course am going to breast feed.

My brother in law is getting married in the flordia Keys next may. that gives me about 9 months to get in as much shape as I can. Since i have gained less than 30 lbs with this pregnancy so far, I feel that I can do much progress in 9 months. I am currently interviewing babysitters for the baby MWF from about 930 to 1230  so i can take a break and focus on me. My goal weight is between 125 and 135. This is always subject to change, Not sure how i will like my mommy body at that weight.

My oldest son wants to ultimatly do break dancing. So I am thinking about putting him into some hip hop dancing classes. He tends to get angry really easily and i can see him with a little ipod and doing flips and twirling on his head to get rid of stress. a nice non agressive stress release. OMG! I SAID I WAS GOING TO PUT MY SON IN DANCE CLASSES!!!! lol. please, we need more white boys that can dance! lol.

Demitrius has no interest in sports really, or any extracaricular activities. so ill let him tell me what he wants to do when he wants to do it.

I am planning on going back to school next fall, but that is still in the back of my mind, I am hoping to be able to do some farmers markets around here, there is a really nice one on saturdays. I am aiming for october to start a booth.

Husband and I have talked about having one more baby, since he is still wishy washy on the subject but we have decided not to get my tubes tied this time around. So, I am planning to try to concieve again starting next september, have the next baby, get my tubes tied, and 6 months after I am done breast feeding, schedule a consult for a mommy makeover. But for this next pregnancy i am hoping to be in good enough shape that i can work out through the next pregnancy and loose the weight even faster. I want to be healthy, fit, and energetic for my kids. Energetic for my husband too "wink wink". lol.

Well I need to go and start looking up and researching post pregnancy workout plans to help me get my muscles back in place and this extra weight off.

My first day of working out target date is August 27th! I hope i can stay motivated and energetic!

Oh, I wanted to share a photo of the take home outfit i have made for the baby. The button and snaps are not on there yet but you get the idea!

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Wedding / party favor of handmade soaps

I have been making Handmade soaps for a while now, I have almost 40 recipes of these "cold process" soaps. These soaps on retail are $3.00 for 2-3 oz bar and $5.00 for 3 + oz bar. In this offer I have for offer one batch of handmade soaps which consist of 36 bars of soap, individually wrapped in sheer organza favor bags and inside will be a card with all the wedding / party information plus the soap ingredients on the opposite side so people know exactly what was used in the soap. I have had quite success with people falling in love with my soap. Including my skeptical husband :) this is up to a $6.00 value per bar including the bags. and If you decide to order a batch, instead of paying the retail value of up to $216 per batch, I am only charging $75.00 plus shipping. This is over 50% off the retail value. Flat rate shipping for the soap is $15.00 via USPS priority shipping.

Note: Color of the bars of soap range from the ingredients used. To try to acheieve a specific color may render difficult due to the natural elements inside the soap. but you can be specific on the color of bag the soap is in.

Another note: please order the batch of soap with payment a minimum of 8 weeks in advance, depending on the recipe you choose, i may have to order more oils. and curing takes 4 to 6 weeks so to make sure that everything is ready for your special day, please provide payment and your order 8 weeks in advance. Things I need to know when you place the order.

#1. Color of organza favor bag. you may choose more than one color, they come in groups of 10.
#2. Soap recipe you choose.
#3. Bride and groom information or party information for card inside.

<------To the left, are the colors offered in the organza bags. 

Soap Recipes

Fruity scented soaps
1)      Spring Energy
2)      Summer rock star – Papaya Mango Fragrance
3)      Tropical Coconut
4)      Chocolate Cocktail
5)      Apple & cinnamon
100% natural soaps
1)      Lemon grass – natural insect repellant
2)      Tea Tree with Lavender
3)      Minty Tea Tree
4)      Minty chocolate
5)      Unscented
6)      Sunburn relief (sweet orange scent)
7)      Lavender & vanilla
8)      Vanilla utopia

Floral scented soaps
1)      Sweet Jasmine
2)      Tea Tree with lavender
3)      Lavender Shea Butter
4)      Women’s Body Bar (aria perfume fragrance)
5)      The Buzz Hive (honeysuckle fragrance)
6)      Chamomile carrots & honey
7)      Calendula Sunflower
8)      Sue’s rose garden
9)      Lavender & vanilla
10)   Livid Lilac & oatmeal
11)   Valley of lilies
Masculine Soaps
1)       lemongrass – Natural insect repellant
2)      Minty Tea Tree
3)      Relaxing Shea Butter
4)      Almond Biscotti Shea Butter
5)      Men’s Shaving and body bar (smells like Cool Water fragrance)
6)      Goat Milk Soap
7)      Country Spice (smells like red hots)
8)      Galvanize
9)      Mechanic & gardeners scrub (unscented)
Food scented soaps
1)      Minty Chocolate
2)      Lemon Cheesecake
3)      Bubblegum
4)      Country spice (smells like red hots)
5)      Chocolate cocktail
Exfoliating soaps
1)      Spring Energy
2)      Lemon Cheese Cake
3)      Lemongrass – Helps repel insects
4)      Summer Cucumber
5)      Chocolate Coffee
6)      Mechanic & gardeners scrub (unscented)
7)      Livid Lilac & oatmeal
8)      Weekend retreat
Deep moisturizers
1)      Almond Biscotti Shea butter
2)      Relaxing Shea butter
3)      Lavender Shea Butter
4)      Unscented
5)      Chamomile carrots & honey
6)      Galvanize (for men)
7)      Livid Lilac & oatmeal
8)      Valley of lilies
Holiday scents
1)      Autumn Pumpkins
2)      Holiday spice
3)      Apple & cinnamon
Light and clean scent
1)      Britney Soap (sandalwood vanilla Fragrance)
2)      Women’s Shaving and body bar (Aria Fragrance)
3)      Baby Fresh (baby powder scent)
4)      Chamomile Carrots & honey
5)      Summer cucumber
6)      Vanilla Utopia
7)      Lavender & vanilla
Misc Scents
1)      The Buzz Hive – Honeysuckle Fragrance
2)      Goat Milk Soap (Oatmeal, Milk, & honey Fragrance)
3)      Pine tar Soap (helps provide relief to skin conditions such as eczema and psoriasis)
4)      Chamomile Carrots & honey
5)      Summer cucumber
6)      Chocolate Coffee
7)      Weekend retreat
8)      Sunburn relief soap (sweet orange scent)

Custom Unity candles / Memorial candles

I have been working on perfecting this idea for a while. Here is a picture of my first unity candle, this is a first generation unity candle, the candles i will be making next month are the next generation of the development.

Things that has changed since this candle.

#1 for the writing on this one, I used regular sticker paper. the change, I now make my own decals to put on the candle that are soap and water resistant.

#2 I found through trial and error, that when working with liquid plastic (resin) it seperates from the glass once it is hardened, so when you pour wax over the resin it goes on the sides of it and ruins the candle. so using supplies on hand, i used the clay that you use to attach the bottom of the wick to the bottom of the holder. THE CHANGE now i use transparent silicone sealant to seal it. it isnt easy getting it in there either!

#3 - When a customer choses the color, it may or may not be the exact color they wanted, so i usually will do the candle in the lighter color and find glass pebbles or rocks to match the color they wanted. the candle wax will look one color and then change either lighten or darken when it sets.

As a customer you would need to supply me with the following information

1 - is it a unity candle or a memorial candle?
2 - What color scheme are you looking for?
3 - Is there a particular scent, or is there a catigory of a scent? for example, fruity, floral, masculine, ect.
4 - I will need a large copy of the picture wanted to be put inside the resin, i do accept digital copies. Is there anything else other then pebbles or rocks you would like in the resin? for example, a ring, a tootsie roll because it was a favorite candy ect. it will be preserved and will not rot inside the resin.
5 - I will need you to provide me with a particular quote or poem you would like attached, along with how you want the name or names written and how you would like the date written on the candle.

Note: live elements, such as green leaves, flowers ect will brown in the resin.

Candles are $70.00 ($110 value)  + $15.00 flat rate priority shipping via USPS. This shipping cost is for united states only. If you are in another country, please contact me for shipping rate.

If you want it in another language you will need to send me exactly how you want it written and spell check it since i am only english speaking.

Updates with more photos with the upgrades should be available by the end of July, 2012.

feel free to email me at if you would like to know more information or would like to place an order. thanks!

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Knitting project #1 for a better me

#1 Boscobel Shawl by Michaela Moores.

click above for free pattern via

When I look at this piece of beautiful hand knitted fabric, I think about how light yet bold it is. As some of you know, I was in the military for over four years. My experience was less than ideal. Struggling with PTSD I have trouble finding myself with the hussle and bussle of every day life. Blogging is a way i can kinda clear my head. I have always had a passion for crafts. I always tend to make things and give them away to make someone smile, or just feel they needed it more than I did. When someone does pay me, I tend to not charge for my time, because I want them to enjoy my knitting as much as I did making it. But after turning 28 on fathers day this year, I have decided I need to stop everything and make 10 projects for me. This is my first project.
My husband is currently in a different state, getting things settled for us to come and live. But living out in the country, with nothing but a 3 and 5 year old leaves this 28 year old very lonesome. Plus the extra hormones from being 8 months pregnant doest help either.

By knitting this project, I am hoping to instill back some confidance and beauty back into myself. being a stay at home mom does not have you feeling the most beautiful or confidant.

Cost of pattern: FREE

The chosen yarn is....

Dream in Color Starry -- Colorway: Wisterious

(98% superwash merino wool, 2% lurex)
Total cost of yarn: $29.00

Timeline of bringing this project to life

This is also blogging about my life and thoughts while knitting this beautiful piece.

June 16, 2012 = Ordered the yarn from

June 21, 2012 = Was just notified that the yarn is on back order and will not be in for two to three weeks… very irritated by this.

June 23, 2012 = Cancelled my order from webs and reordered the yarn (different colorway though) from and it is $1.50 cheaper. Yarn should be at my house within 3 to 5 business days!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

10 projects to a better me

This week has been a really hard week. a lot of things going on, a lot of emotions, a lot of anger, fustration, and most of all lonelyness. I need to do something to snap out of this funk I am in. One thing that has never rejected me is my knitting. I have decided I am going to make 10 projects for me. I will use the best yarn i can find for the project, and I am not allowed to gift or sell any of these ten projects. for once I am putting myself first. This way I can focus on my knitting / crocheting rather than the stressors in my life.

As of right now, I have the first six patterns chosen with the yarns for those patterns. here are the first Six.

#1 Boscobel Shawl by Michaela Moores.

please CLICK HERE for more information about this project.

#2 Therapi Cardigan by Stefanie Japel

Cost of pattern: FREE

The chosen yarn is....

knitpicks sugarbunny -- Colorway: Peacock

(80% Merino Wool, 20% Angora)
Total Cost of yarn: $71.91

#3 Prairie Boots by Julie Weisenberger

Cost of pattern: $7.00

The chosen yarn is....

(100% wool)
Total Cost of Yarn: $20.00
Cost of Leather slipper soles: $12.99 - via
Cost of buttons: $11.00 -- via etsy

#4  Flower Hat by Rebecca Lennox

Cost of pattern: $6.00


The chosen yarn is....

(55% Merino wool, 25% Superfine alpaca, 20% Donegal tweed)

Total Cost of Yarn: $10.00

#5 Lore Hoodie by Cirilia Rose

Cost of pattern: $12.95 via
published in the book Vampire Knits

The chosen yarn is....

Total Cost of yarn: About $50.00

#6 Nightingale by Vintage Purls

Cost of pattern: about $4.86

The chosen yarn is....

Dream in color Smooshy-- colorway: Black Pearl

(100% superwash merino wool)

Dream in color Starry -- Colorway: Melonbomb

(98% superwash merino wool, 2% lurex)
Total cost of yarn: $60.00

#7 Spiderweb Skirt Pattern by Josi Hannon

Cost of pattern: FREE

The chosen yarn is....

Shine Worsted Yarn by Knitpicks -- colorway: Platinum

(60% Pima Cotton, 40% Modal® natural beech wood fiber)
                                                      Total cost of yarn: About $60.00

#8 Avery by Cassie Castillo 

Cost of pattern: $4.00

The chosen yarn is....

Kollage Creamy Milk yarn -- Colorway: Tropical Bud

(80% Milk fiber, 20% Cotton)

Total cost of yarn: $36.80



#9 Sakura Tee by Cassie Castillo

Cost of pattern: Interweave knits summer 2012 magazine

The chosen yarn is....

Cascade pima Silk Yarn - Colorway: Teal
Total cost of yarn: $48.60

#10 Short sleeved crochet shrug by Bernadette Ambergen

Cost of pattern: $5.00

The chosen yarn is....

Total Cost of yarn: $15.00

Monday, June 11, 2012

Disappointment wrapped in a bow

I have so much to say, but yet nothing to say at the same time. Currently, My husband is in texas trying to locate us a new house. I just completed week 31 of this pregnancy with Samuel Duane. I was soo excited about going to kansas and feeling like i belonged somewhere. to feel like i was important to more than just my husband and one or two other people. To not feel judged when i dont know how to act in certain social situations due to my PTSD.

Well, Last friday i fell down my stairs, i pulled the muscle behind my right knee It was painful, I still fought through the pain and attempted to do a craft booth at depot days. Only sold four bars of soap, quite disappointing. there were no customers. It was prob because there were sooo many bigger carnivals and such going on at the same time. But i poured in about $150 into getting all the fine tuning and setting up done. which was a waste. had to pay $30 for the booth section. After being distraught over that, I decided not to do the last day, which it looked like most of the people decided not to do the last day for the craft show.

I talked to my husband on the phone and he expressed concern for my trip to kansas. It was not an easy decision. I wanted to go to my 10 year class reunion, I want to do something that is a traditional american celebration. I have not had any. But my husband was right, with my fall and the point in the pregnancy which we are in, it isnt a good idea that I risk it. So many tears, much fustration, and with a constant feeling of lonliness surrounding me, I broke the news to my mom, and she helped me break the news to everyone else.

I absolutely HATE asking for help, it is one of the hardest things i have had to face in adulthood. I have been very independant my whole life. And since I got out of the military in 06 it has been extreamly hard for me to feel accepted in any aspect of my life. The feeling of being paranoid around large groups, feeling like they are stairing and talking about you when you know they are not, but your body is not listening to your brain. The feeling of being socially ackward.

Some days are better, and I feel like i can relax a little, but those are becomming fewer and fewer in existance.

In the last ten years...

May 2002 - I graduated high school
August 2002 - Graduated Basic Training at fort Jackson, SC
October 2002 - Graduated AIT in fort lee va
November 2002 - arrived in germany for my first duty station.
**everything went down hill from this point for a while.**
April 2003 - recieved 23 neg councelings from the military, went into a deep depression, felt alone and trapped in my own skin.
May 2003 deployed to kosovo
Aug 2003 Return from kosovo
Feb 2004 Deployed to Iraq
November 2004 - Met my husband waiting for a flight out of kuwait
Feb 2005 - Returned from Iraq, No one there to welcome me, just left the united families and sat in my barracks room.
May 2005 PCS'd from Germany had to report to Ft. Hood, TX
June 10, 2005 Got married justice of peace. found out 3 days later we were expecting.
June 17, 2005 Turned 21, worked from 6pm to midnight. went home.
June 18, 2005 drove my new husband to the airport to go back to iraq.
Late in June, 2005 - Miscarried.
Feb 2006 found out we were expecting again
July 2006 honorablly discharged from the military. Chose to get out due to a comment made from my CMDR telling people my due date didnt add up to when my husband was home.
July 2006 moved to Amboy, IL
Aug 2006 got to move into our new house
October 2006 gave birth to our oldest. Husband was still overseas.
the year 2007 found out we were expecting our next child, nathan still working overseas.
July 11, 2008 - Gave girth to my 2nd son Demitrius,
July 12, 2009 - Demitrius started turning blue, found out he has a heart condition. he was shipped to two different hospitals before i was discharged. Nathan made it home for his delivery.
July 17, 2008 - Demitrius had his first open heart surgery.
December 22, 2008 Demitrius had his 2nd open heart surgery. He was discharged two days later, his aunt Marissa, and his uncle shawn came to see him when he was in the hospital.
the year 2009 was pretty quiet.
September 2010 participated in EBV program, Entreprenureship bootcamp for vets with disabilities program.
later in september 2010 - Demitrius had is third open heart surgery - he was only accompanied by his parents and brother when permitted.
Dec 2011 found out we were pregnant again. Some people very upset we chose to have another child, some comments from blood relation was out of line. but really shouldnt expect more.
PRESENT - currently 7 1/2 months pregnant and about to move to Texas.

If you actually took time to read through the timeline, I shared my high school graduation ceremony with my cousin melissa, no one bought me a drink for turning 21, even though i couldnt drink it. Due to nathan leaving for iraq and after living in teh barracks in germany I refused to live in the barracks, so we got married since we knew it would happen anyways, no wedding planning, no bridal shower, no batchlorette party, after being pregnant with my boys, I never had a baby shower, Never had a house welcoming gift. Never really celebrated a birthday since i was like 16.

This trip to kansas that got cancelled, I am not going to lie, I was throwing myself a baby shower. The person that I thought wanted to do it, didnt have time to help with it since she was helping a friend get ready for her bridal shower and wedding. I spent $300 on supplies on my own baby shower, to have it cancelled. $300 that could of gone to things that we need for the baby. But it is too late now, I will have to get the necessities next month from my Va disability check.

Looking back, I try to be a giving, loving, caring person. yet I must be doing something wrong, I must not be friend material. I am constantly finding myself walking down a hall with nothing but locked doors on either side.

When I fell down the stairs the other day, i was stuck for like 5 min. I couldnt move. I had my phone in my hand, i went down the list and called everyone i could think of. I reached voicemail after voicemail after voicemail. I had one person text me back and asked what I needed, I texted them and let them know what happened. there was no empathy the response was "Im at work". There was no, are you okay? did you go to the dr? ect. It was me with a useless phone in my hand, stuck on the stairs with my two boys in the tub, unable to move. I was in tears, mostly from pain, but from hurt and disappointment too.

I am just patiently awaing the day when someone things i am special enough to go out of the way to make me feel special. But the day never has come, and prob never will. I am a stay at home mom with mental issues from being in the military, I seem to have a lack of being able to connect with people which has now turned into no trust for anyone. My grandma sue, My mom, and My friend Sherrie have been my go to people for everything. Asking for help makes me feel like i am incapable of doing things myself. and in all sense, a failure.

Saturday, June 2, 2012


There is a lot on my mind, a lot I want to accomplish in my life. I will be 28 on fathers day this year. This summer is not going to be easy, i finish week 30 in the pregnancy on Sunday, then I start week 31 (i will be 30 weeks 1 day) on Monday. We are also moving across country for my husbands work, along with getting dr's and the kids enrolled in school ect. stress is running high.

I have been married to my husband for seven years on the tenth, we have had two beautiful little boys so far. When I was pregnant with both of them, my husband was overseas. Other then one or two people on my husbands side of the family, there was no support. there was a lot of talking behind my back due to me not being adequate enough and to their standards in housework etc. I have been put down constantly by certain individuals constantly. I sometimes feel like i have no choice but to allow them to be arrogant towards me because I do not want friction between me and my husband. because I do love him so much.

When I met my husband we were both in the service. I got my first tattoo when I was in the army, its on my calf. Then of course I find out how AGAINST tattoos his side of the family is. they stereotype people with tattoos like they stereotype pretty much everyone without a second thought.

I want to go back to school and become a dietitian like stated in my previous post. If my husband still wants it in another year, I plan on giving him one more child before I get my tubes tied, then 6 months after I am done breastfeeding, I plan on having a mommy makeover.

I have struggled with my weight since becoming pregnant with my first son. I am hoping becoming a dietitian i can not only help myself but help others like me. My skin is SO saggy from the weight I have lost that with this pregnancy there is still baggy skin under my belly and I'm 7 months pregnant!

Now having mentioned the tummy tuck, I do plan on getting another tattoo. I haven't really seen anything exactly the way I want it. to cover up the tummy tuck scar, I plan on getting a tattoo with two cherry blossom tree branches reaching out to one another, I don't want the branches smooth, i want them ridged and different from one another, like a real tree. this will resemble my life. how its not perfect, its not smooth and flowing, it has lots of stops and turns, and goes. then the beautiful flowers of the cherry blossoms to represent my life as well, but it shows the love, friendship, beauty in the imperfections. I have also thought about having my kids' names written on the branches, but we will see. :)

I remember as a child, getting humiliated and made fun of because my mother was overweight. the kids didn't say it to her, they taunted us kids. we were hurt by it. I have made it a goal to not struggle with my weight. that is until i found out about the hypothyroidism disease, now I am learning anyways. but with the Dr's we will get through this.

Getting a degree in nutrition and dietetics I believe will help me understand the food concept of weight, learning more about hypothyroidism will help me learn what I need to do to fight the disease, and learning about Kinesiology will help me get my military-broken-body back in shape. I want my kids to go through school being known for who they are, not for what I look like.

Sure, some people may think that I am shallow, vein, or materialistic. and that is not the case at all. I am alive in the year 2012 and lets face it. there are high expectations on women. I want to do this stuff for me. not for my husband (although he will benefit) not just for my kids (they don't care they love me no matter what) but for me, my self esteem. I battle depression and this is one less thing I want to worry about.

I feel that since no one really reads my blogs, i can get a little more in dept with what my thoughts are. and in the future get a better understanding of myself. I feel like my decisions are mostly other peoples decisions in the fear of embarrassing someone who I really don't care if I do.

God bless!
and take care.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Lifestyle Change

Hello blog readers.

  I usually blog about things that are on my mind and that I wouldn't mind feedback on. So here is the next thing. My work in progress... my lifestyle change.

This change doesn't seem huge, but it is not going to be easy. There is a lot of information to learn, to be accustomed to, and to use in my every day life.

I have the typical American diet. Lots of steak and potatoes, McDonald's here and there, sugary cereals and snacks, koolaid, lots of processed and boxed food. I do make a lot from scratch but that usually has a lot of animal fat oils and butters and all the stuff that makes you go yum.... but it also isn't good for you. But this is the way I grew up eating. I have been trying to go more organic and such for a while now. but it really hasn't stuck because old habits die hard and with young children you are in a race against time in the store.

I have been reading the book "the raw food detox diet" and "the juice lady's guide to juicing" and I have learned a lot. I want to be a role model for my kids. and I'm not saying go out and start the diet 100% but i do need to start incorporating these recipes into our every day diet, even if it is adding more flax seed to various meals. because lets face it, you change the texture to a regular meal, and you have grumpy boys in the house.

It is kinda mind boggling on where to begin. I have all these books and all these recipes but i guess I need to start with snacks and seasonings. This isn't just a diet change, it is a lifestyle change, I have heard a lot about carbs and sugars. Dr.oz on the Piers Moran show on CNN even said, You need carbs in your diet, just not simple carbs. And what that means is your whites. White bread, White rice, ect.

I still plan on cooking good home made meals, but changing right now one meal or snack a day until we get some recipes tried out and start having favorites. I love the recipe i have about making a taco with lettuce instead of a tortilla. which replaces simple carbs with fresh veggie.

On another note, but same tune...

I have done a lot of thinking about what I want to do with my life. My husband is probably rolling his eyes again. I joined the military when I was seventeen. When I was in high school I wanted to be a research scientist in Genetics. Science and math fascinate me. But, after joining the military, meeting my husband and having our first child by the time i was 22. That was kinda unrealistic at that point. So, While pregnant I started looking at a Kinesiology major. With my military background and my great discipline with working out it would be great! Only it wasn't. I gained 90 lbs with that pregnancy and I was so hard on myself every day. Working out up to two hours a day, watching my calorie intake and not allowing myself to consume more than 1,200 calories a day... and I was still gaining weight. My worthless doctor was telling me it was my diet and exercises. i was the largest i had ever been. I couldn't help but to think "no one is going to want a fat personal trainer". So I changed my focus. I got indulged in my crafts. While changing my focus and then becoming a business major in college, the dr's finally did a blood test and found that my thyroid level was at 93 and it was supposed to be between a 3 and a 4. I was then diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I did not get this diagnosis until my son was 6 months old. i believe it started while i was pregnant they were just so quick to judge me that they didn't do their job and this angered me. But by this time i was very much into crafts. I thought about helping people by teaching them self reliance, teaching them how to garden and do things for themselves. I guess even with the gardening i was more into the organic side of it and cooking with fresh herbs.

But recently, I just feel that maybe it is something i can do when My kids are grown, but right now my little people need me. But for some reason i feel like there is something missing, like i need something to accomplish and to define myself as other then being a stay at home mom. Don't get me wrong, i love my little guys, I love being a wife. I hate the constant cleaning and the stereotypes that stay at home moms don't do anything but sit around and watch TV because people think they get every day off. As much as I love these things, I have always been independent, and loved that I could take care of myself. I am thinking about going back to school to become a registered nutritionist / dietitian and be a licensed athletic trainer. This goes back to my kinesiology major just with the major focus on nutrition and the minor in kinesiology. And it is something i can incorporate with my family.

I don't think my husband is taking me serious on this. I have to use my GI bill. It is going to suck i do have to pay one trimester out of pocket. but i think i can manage, and as long as i keep my grades up (which I do) then the GI bill will resume and pay for my college. I will need my bachelors, I am almost done with my associates now.

Thanks for reading, and I appreciate any feedback :) now to go figure out what recipes I want to start using :D