Saturday, June 2, 2012

mindblogging



There is a lot on my mind, a lot I want to accomplish in my life. I will be 28 on fathers day this year. This summer is not going to be easy, i finish week 30 in the pregnancy on Sunday, then I start week 31 (i will be 30 weeks 1 day) on Monday. We are also moving across country for my husbands work, along with getting dr's and the kids enrolled in school ect. stress is running high.

I have been married to my husband for seven years on the tenth, we have had two beautiful little boys so far. When I was pregnant with both of them, my husband was overseas. Other then one or two people on my husbands side of the family, there was no support. there was a lot of talking behind my back due to me not being adequate enough and to their standards in housework etc. I have been put down constantly by certain individuals constantly. I sometimes feel like i have no choice but to allow them to be arrogant towards me because I do not want friction between me and my husband. because I do love him so much.

When I met my husband we were both in the service. I got my first tattoo when I was in the army, its on my calf. Then of course I find out how AGAINST tattoos his side of the family is. they stereotype people with tattoos like they stereotype pretty much everyone without a second thought.

I want to go back to school and become a dietitian like stated in my previous post. If my husband still wants it in another year, I plan on giving him one more child before I get my tubes tied, then 6 months after I am done breastfeeding, I plan on having a mommy makeover.

I have struggled with my weight since becoming pregnant with my first son. I am hoping becoming a dietitian i can not only help myself but help others like me. My skin is SO saggy from the weight I have lost that with this pregnancy there is still baggy skin under my belly and I'm 7 months pregnant!

Now having mentioned the tummy tuck, I do plan on getting another tattoo. I haven't really seen anything exactly the way I want it. to cover up the tummy tuck scar, I plan on getting a tattoo with two cherry blossom tree branches reaching out to one another, I don't want the branches smooth, i want them ridged and different from one another, like a real tree. this will resemble my life. how its not perfect, its not smooth and flowing, it has lots of stops and turns, and goes. then the beautiful flowers of the cherry blossoms to represent my life as well, but it shows the love, friendship, beauty in the imperfections. I have also thought about having my kids' names written on the branches, but we will see. :)

I remember as a child, getting humiliated and made fun of because my mother was overweight. the kids didn't say it to her, they taunted us kids. we were hurt by it. I have made it a goal to not struggle with my weight. that is until i found out about the hypothyroidism disease, now I am learning anyways. but with the Dr's we will get through this.

Getting a degree in nutrition and dietetics I believe will help me understand the food concept of weight, learning more about hypothyroidism will help me learn what I need to do to fight the disease, and learning about Kinesiology will help me get my military-broken-body back in shape. I want my kids to go through school being known for who they are, not for what I look like.

Sure, some people may think that I am shallow, vein, or materialistic. and that is not the case at all. I am alive in the year 2012 and lets face it. there are high expectations on women. I want to do this stuff for me. not for my husband (although he will benefit) not just for my kids (they don't care they love me no matter what) but for me, my self esteem. I battle depression and this is one less thing I want to worry about.

I feel that since no one really reads my blogs, i can get a little more in dept with what my thoughts are. and in the future get a better understanding of myself. I feel like my decisions are mostly other peoples decisions in the fear of embarrassing someone who I really don't care if I do.

God bless!
and take care.

2 comments:

  1. First off, I know that I read your blog! I may not always comment here because I text, email or message you in some other way. You are loved and cared for... and prayed for.
    I know how you feel girl, believe me... after three kids.... it's all fun house mirror whenever the clothes come off. I know you have had a heck of a battle with your weight and other things.... I'm here, though not in person, in spirit and emotionally. I love you and your family so much and wish nothing but the best for you all.
    Screw hubby's family, if they want to judge you, let them... THEY have to answer to God about it, not you. Remember, like the tattoo I'm getting next, "Before you judge me, before you come to any conclusions: Try walking in my shoes" because I too have so many people judging me and my life... you have to keep your head up and let their judging of you just be their dysfunction. I have and still do believe, they only do it because they want to feel better about themselves. If your honey loves you, he'll stand behind you but also between you and his family to protect you. YOU better remember how many people love you... don't let a few jack-wagons get your goat.

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